


12 Days of a MadHouse Christmas

by MadDramaQueen



Series: Adventures in the SortaMalicious MadHouse [18]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: 12 chapters of Christmas, based on Ryan's twitch community, let's see how this goes..., madhouse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-08 12:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8844943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: For the next 12 days, a new chapter is born!The 12 gifts of Christmas come to life...in a Sorta Malicious sort of way.Oh, dear.





	1. An Eggy in a Multi-Fruit Tree

**Author's Note:**

> On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

"Buk. Buk buk."

_What the hell?_

I take two steps into the garden, and all of a sudden, I feel like I'm in a farm. Is Edgar around here??

"Tabby, catch!"

I look up to quickly see Eggy throw a Red Delicious apple my way, Luckily, I caught it before it hit my face. My eyes widened at what I saw next. It was a tree with all kinds of fruit on it. And Eggy was sat at the very top of it, surrounded by twigs and branches. A nest?

"Eggy! What the hell are you doing up there?" I asked, then took a bite out of the apple. Mmm! Very yummy!

"I dunno. Someone sent over this tree. I saw an opportunity, and went for it. Now, I'm roosting up here like the true bird I am." Eggy said with a shrug. 

"Eggy, you're wearing a chicken hoodie, with wings and all. And you've been wearing it for Dark God knows how long. I think it's warped your mind to have you believe you're a real chicken. And even so, chickens don't roost in trees! Who sent this tree, anyway?" I face-palmed. Eggy just fluffed their feathers and made themselves more comfortable in their nest. 

"Well, this chicken does! And I don't know who sent the damn thing. There's a letter tied to the tree. The deliveryman would've done it himself, but he was scared off by Lotti. Her and that battle axe..."

I walked to the tree and untied the piece of paper. 

_To the MadHouse,  
I thought this would be a nice gesture to show how much I care. I didn't know which fruit you liked, so I just gave you all of them on a tree. Hope you enjoy!_

_Signed,  
anonymous_

"Eggy, I didn't know you had a secret admirer!" I teased, as I finished reading the letter out loud.

"I don't! It could be for anyone! Besides, it's for the MadHouse, not just me, buk buk. Who could it be from? The Caretaker Flora?" Eggy asked, gesturing to the giant plant taking in the sun rays before the winter's snow takes over. 

"Yeah, because a plant can totally send gifts like this." I reply bluntly. I take another bite out of the apple, when a certain ninja monkey came flipping in the garden. But, it wasn't a happy flip. It was a "I'm hungry." flip. I've been friends with him long enough; I can tell by now.

"Tabby, got any bananas? We're out of them in the kitchen. I might've ate the last one." Joe whined to me. I just rolled my eyes and point to the silly tree Eggy is falling asleep on. "No, I don't have bananas this time, buddy. Consult the Tree of Many Fruits over here."

Eggy waved at Joe as they picked 2 bananas from the tree and tossed them down. Joe gasped happily and jumped up to catch them. "Yummy! Bananas! Thanks, Eggy! Uh, why are you up there, anyway? And where did this tree come from?"

"Long story. Joe. But, we have a fruit tree now and Eggy won't come down. Maybe they can send us another tree. What about a money tree?" I chuckle.

"I'll take a red velvet cupcake tree. I can't sleep on that, though. Too messy. Speaking of which, I'm hungry. Can you get me a cupcake from the kitchen? I'm too comfortable up here and I don't wanna leave." Eggy asked.

"Too busy." Joe immediately sat under the tree in the lovely shade provided, nomming on a banana.

I groaned and rolled my eyes, as I made my way to the kitchen. "All right. I'm going. You guys are lazy..." 

What I didn't know was at the back of that letter, the anonymous person wrote 3 words I'd dread to read.

_**More gifts tomorrow!** _


	2. Two Decks of Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 of gifts.  
> We've been given 2 decks of UNO cards.  
> Uh-oh...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

_"To the MadHouse,_

_I have more gifts for you! Here's two decks of UNO cards! I've heard how much fun that game can get, so I wanted to share the joy with you. I hope you all have the time of your lives!_

_Signed,  
anonymous_

\---------------------------------

"Who is responsible for this?! They must pay!" Lotti exclaimed, throwing the closed decks of UNO cards at me. "We are not playing this damn game for 2 1/2 hours!"

I was lying on my bed in my room. Now, I'm not. I groan and pick up the cards, and read the note. Oh, crap. It's them again.

"This is the same person that sent over that multi-fruit tree yesterday! Why are they giving us more things?" I ask, rubbing my eyes. 

"Don't know, don't care. When can we burn the cards? I'll go get Azriella." Lotti shrugs, but has that spark of hope in her eyes to use fire.

"No! We are not burning these. These cards are a gift. That would be rude." I finally get outta bed and juggle the 2 card decks in my hands. We were given UNO cards. 2 packs of the game that made Ryan bail outta playing with his friends 1 hour into their playing session.

"I'll be right back." Lotti storms off. 5 minutes later, she returns with Fallz, Cheryl and Azriella. And Azriella looks way too happy. What did you tell her, Lotti? Good grief...

"I was told we get to burn things. Let's do this!" Azriella exclaims. 

I knew it. I just face-palmed at that.

"We are not burning anything! And what are you all doing here?"

"Lotti told us that someone sent us UNO cards. I had to see this for myself." Fallz replied. I gave her one and Cheryl the other and shrugged. "Yep. They're real, guys. This is the reality now. We have been given the game that never ends."

"What do we do with them? We obviously can't play UNO. Someone will get hurt with how crazy this game gets. And I don't want anyone dying 11 days before Christmas." Cheryl said.

Hmm...if we couldn't play UNO with the UNO cards, what could we do? Then, I got an idea!

\-------------------

[30 minutes later]

We were two cards away from finishing the most epic UNO card house ever! It took a lot of concentration, focus, and keeping Ghost Ray out of the room, but we were so close to finishing! And it looked amazing, if I do say so myself. I could tell Azriella still wanted to burn the cards, but this was more fun, anyway. 

"This is so cool!" Cheryl cheered in a whisper. 

"This house is super high up. Who's gonna put the last 2 cards on top?" Lotti asks. 

"Not me. I cannot reach that high and I've been lucky with some of these cards placements. I'm not gonna be responsible for the house collapsing." Fallz holds her hands up in surrender, then takes out her phone. "I'll record this amazing moment, though. It's gonna go down in MadHouse history!"

"I can't do it, either. I'm not good at high pressure situations. And Fallz, you record it. I'll Snapchat it." I also take out my phone.

"Azriella, I think you should do it. Your magic will make those cards stay up there." Cheryl shrugged.

"All right. Here we go. I need silence, please." Azriella waves her hands and the last 2 cards (a draw 4 and red 7) started floating in the air. Slowly and slowly they made their way towards the top. 

We could see it. The fruits of our labor. The end of all the work we've done. We could celebrate and show Ryan our accomplishments. And it was happening right in front of our eyes!

As the two cards made their way to the tippy top, I could see how hard Azriella was concentrating to get them to stay up there. 

So close, so close...Just a little more, and-

"SURPRISE! THE NINJA MONKEY HAS ARRIVED! IT'S PARTY TIME!"

...and down goes the UNO house. Ninja Monkey Joe came bursting through my door, and looked ready to party. Well, we looked ready to kill him. Especially Azriella.

"Damn it, Joe! We were actually doing something with this gift!" I sighed. 

"I guess we're doomed to actually play this game the right way." Cheryl groaned, while picking up the fallen cards.

"Whoops! My bad, guys. I had no idea. I was looking for you all and I thought you were having fun without me." Joe said, while trying to avoid Azriella's angry glare.

"Oh, I'm gonna have some fun right now. Let's play with some fire, buddy." Azriella walked towards him as the Ninja Monkey screamed and ran away. You mess with the MadHouse witch, you're gonna pay.

"Wait! I want to film her setting you on fire, Joe! Come back!" Lotti ran after them, phone in hand.

I sighed and helped Fallz and Cheryl with cleaning up. "I really hope we don't get anymore gifts. This is getting crazy now."

"Well, maybe this person wanted to really drive us nuts by giving us UNO cards. Guess it worked." Fallz shrugged.

As I picked up the last of the UNO cards on the floor, one of them had writing on it. I looked closely, and read what it said. Yep. This person truly brought "the movie" into our crazy home. 

**Here's looking at you, kid!**


	3. Three Footballs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you give the MadHouse footballs to play with, expect disaster.   
> When you give the MadHouse footballs to play with, and it's raining outside, expect even more disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

It was pouring outside. Like, the sky just saw the end of the 7th Harry Potter movie and started bawling over what happened. Non-stop rain for almost an hour now. Quite fitting for the MadHouse, but it sucks that we're stuck inside. I look out the window in my room and see nothing but the rain falling outside. There are some people running around and dancing outside, but I frown at them. Who enjoys rain so much that they'd splash in puddles on purpose? Nonsense, I say!

Suddenly, I hear the doorbell ring. Wonder who that could be? I go downstairs to the front doors and open them. 

No one there.

"Hello?" I look around while sticking my head outside the doors. There's no people, but there is a box. And on top of that box, is a note. I pull the box inside the MadHouse, close the doors and take the note off. 

_"To the MadHouse,_

_If UNO doesn't bring the house together, maybe some sports will. I've sent you the gift of three footballs. Well, two American footballs, and one football/soccer ball. You know what I mean. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying my gifts, because they're not ending anytime soon!_

_Signed  
anonymous_

Another gift from this person. Who are they?! And why do they want to drive us even more insane?? What the hell are we going to do with footballs in this crappy weather? We can't play sports in the house!

"Buk buk! What'cha got there?"

I jumped up as Eggy snuck up towards me. They finally decided to take a break from roosting in that fruit tree, and joined us back on Earth.

"Jesus, Eggy! You scared me! That same person that sent the tree and the UNO cards sent another gift!" I opened the box and took out 2 black footballs and one red and black soccer ball. Clearly made for us at the MadHouse. This person has good taste.

"Football! I love football! Used to play it back in school. Wanna see me throw? I'm really good at it." 

"Uh, Eggy, I'm not sure that's a good idea-"

"WHOOSH!"

They took that football and threw it far, right over the top of the Christmas tree. I just wish there was someone on the other side to catch it. The football landed with a THUD on the stairs.

"Touchdown!" Eggy did their own little touchdown dance. It looked like an updated version of the chicken dance. Lotti should've been around with her camera. Ah, well. 

I went to the stairs and picked up the football. Not a scratch on it, and nothing broken. Crisis averted. Tossing it back to him, I shake my head. "That was, uh...very impressive, Eggy. Can we please not do that again?"

"Aww, but it was fun! I wanna play with someone else since you won't have fun with me, buk buk." Eggy stuck their tongue out at me and pouted.

"I heard fun! I'm here!"

Here comes Joe, the MadHouse Ninja Monkey. When there's fun to be had, you bet he'll come flipping in to join it. 

"Joe! Wanna play football with me?" Eggy asked, holding the football like he wants Joe to kick it through goal posts.

"Hell yeah! I love me some football! I used to do an awesome job with punting the ball. Must've been all the energy I've had. I think I still got the footwork for it. Hold it steady. Don't pull a Lucy on me!" Joe takes a few practice swings before taking a few steps back. Yep. I'm scared again.

"I'll hold it steady. Kick it to the moon!" Eggy exclaims.

Before Joe runs up to kick it, he notices the soccer ball. "Hey, Eggy? Could you hold the football steady, while you balance on a soccer ball?" 

"Oh, no...Joe, this is a bad idea. Someone is gonna get hurt. Oh, dear." my eyes widened.

"I'm always up for a challenge!" Eggy slowly perched themselves on top of the soccer ball. The ball tried to shrug them off, but Eggy had some training with the whole "roosting in a tree" thing. Then, Eggy slowly stood up on the ball, rolled over to the other football and used it as a table for the football they were going to kick. They slowly bent down and pointed the football on top of the one lying down. Joe looked impressed while I looked terrified.

"Whoa! Looking good up there, buddy! All right, here we go!" The Ninja Monkey did his practice swings and then backed up slowly. 

I looked around at the various prized and valuable items the MadHouse living room has displayed. One, if not all of these items were about to be smashed to pieces.

"HERE I COME!" Joe yelled and ran towards Eggy. He was filled with energy and the hopes of making that football soar into the sky. 

...until Eggy pulled the football away and Joe fell flat on his back.

_**THUD** _

I looked away and cringed. That had to hurt. 

"Owww! Eggy, what the hell, friend?! Why would you do that??" Joe groaned, as I helped him up.

Eggy chuckled lightly and shrugged. "My wings slipped. It was kinda funny, though. Sorry, man. If you want, we can try again later. 100% legit. But for now, I'm gonna go back to my tree and sleep. Football has made this chicken tired. See ya!" Then, Eggy took the two footballs and started juggling them while rolling on the soccer ball towards the garden.

Yeah. That has got to be the weirdest thing to happen from these gifts so far.  
'So far?' What am I saying?!  
There can't be more!

_Right?_


	4. Four Monster Trucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gifts keep coming and it looks like we might have something normal!  
> Nope.  
> We have a Lil J, though! That's close enough, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Rest.  
Finally, a day with no crazy things going on. I can just lie here in bed and sleep the day away. After 3 days of complete chaos, I think hiding in here is the best thing for me right now.

"Tabby! You gotta see this!" My door opens with a bang as Cheryl pulls me out of my bed. 

So much for a quiet day.

"Cheryl, please! Don't pull my arm off! Where are we going??" I ask as she takes me downstairs. I suddenly start to hear a loud, thumping sound. It's like the bass from a rap song that just vibrates in your ear. Wait. It might just be a song. I can hear music now! Is the MadHouse having a concert and no one told me about it? Who let Joe near the speakers?!

"My ears picked up some awesome music while Ray and I were munching on Oreos, and I looked out the window, and you'll never guess! You'll never guess who is outside the MadHouse front doors right now?!" Cheryl asked with excitement, kinda pulling me as she jumped up and down.

"Well, seeing how excited you are, I'm gonna say some sort of famous rapper or singer." I shrug.

"Close!" Cheryl opens the door to reveal a 5-foot 4 gentleman with purple hair, Party Hard shades, a boombox blasting some sick beats and...another gift box. Seriously?!

"Oh, my God! It's Lil J! Jeremy, what are you doing here??" I gasp as I give him a hug.

He hugged me back and went back into rap mode, nodding his head to the beat. I think he was gonna tell us something, in a rap.

" _What's up, TabiKat and the MadHouse crew?_  
I'm here because I got a special something for you  
You've had 3 days of gifts galore  
Well, get ready  
Get set  
Here's gift number four!  
This mystery guy told me to appear  
As a rapping mailman for you all to hear  
This rap is now done  
I don't give two fucks  
Because your gift for today  
Is four monster trucks!  
The end!

Lil J drops the mic and we both applaud for how awesome that was. Then, he takes off the shades and gives Cheryl a hug. "Well, that was fun. I've never had a 'singing mailman' gig before. I've also never been to the MadHouse before. I chill with my Monster Truck rally most of the time."

"It's nice to have you here, Jeremy." Cheryl smiles. I carry the box of monster truck toys in as Cheryl and Jeremy  
follow behind.

"Ho...ly shit. This place is amazing! You guys are living the life, huh? And you're all decked out for Christmas, too! I love it! Man, Ryan has to give me some decorating tips." Jeremy says in awe, as he's looking around the living room. 

"Well, we have a lot of crazy things here. You might not wanna add everything you see here." I chuckle. "We have a weapons room, for crying out loud."

"What?! Oh, dude! That sounds...awesome and terrifying at the same time." Jeremy's eyes widened. 

"Don't worry about it. You're safe here."

"I sure hope so-AHHHH!!" We turned around to see Jeremy fall in the trap door installed by the front doors. I guess we forgot to turn that off. Then again, we didn't know he was stopping by. 

"Owww. What the fuck was that?!" Jeremy rubbed his head as he looked up at us.

"Oh, shit. Sorry! We have a lot of those installed around the house. Uh, I take it you don't have that kind of security at the Monster Truck house?" Cheryl asked as Lil J climbed the ladder out.

"We have security, but not fucking traps all over the place like Home Alone!"

Soon enough, more of the Madhouse crew came downstairs. They greeted our "little visitor" and I took this time to read the note from our gift-giver.

__  
To the MadHouse,  
It's day 4 and I have a special gift for you! 4 monster trucks, given to you by the human Monster Trunk himself: Jeremy Dooley! I hope that's a nice surprise for ya. And don't worry. I have another gift ready to send you tomorrow. Or maybe it's already there. Who knows? 

_From,  
Anonymous_

I slowly put the letter down and looked around. Another gift could already be here? This was getting scary. But, not as scary as a bunch of Vagabonds and Misfits possibly asking Jeremy to axe kick everything in the house.

"Buk buk, Jeremy! I love the hair! Is it like a mood ring and can change based on your mood?" Eggy asks.

Jeremy chuckles as he takes the monster trucks out the gift box. "No, my chicken friend. I unfortunately don't have that magical luxury."

Azriella raised her hand and rushed to him. "I can do it for you! It won't take long. But, you'll have to rub some magic lotion in your hair. It's not the best smelling, either."

"Maybe another time. I want my hair to return to normal, and uh...I wouldn't know how to tell my family that I have color changing hair. But, I'll keep that in mind for the future." 

Fallz picked up one of the monster truck toys and chuckled to herself. "Whoever sent these must think we're still kids and would actually play with these."

"Or they did it because of my nickname. Ha ha. Very funny." Jeremy shrugged.

I crouched down and picked up a blue monster truck. I pushed it along the ground and smiled. This was actually a normal gift for once! No gimmicks or crazy attachments. Just normal, plain-

"Hey, guys. I know you'd like this idea. Let's set up a little ramp for these babies to clear. Oooh! And we make it a contest! I'm thinking we get a really tall ramp, right? And then, the monster truck drives down it, swoops up, goes through a ring of fire and crosses a finish line. The monster truck that goes the furthest, wins. And, I'll axe kick something of your choice."

God damn it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, after 4 attempts from Fallz, Azriella, Eggy and myself, it turns out that it was pretty much a tie. Until somehow, Eggy "sneezed," and their truck went a little further from the impact. I don't know. 

Plus, we kinda had to make sure that the fire from the Ring Of Fire didn't fall down or spread on anything else. For some reason, there are some members of the MadHouse that love fire. I don't know if it's because of the burning or how it flickers on a candle. I think we're gonna be doing this contest a lot more in the future.

"Eyyy! Eggy has won! And as your prize, you get to wear the cool Party Hard shades. Go ahead." Jeremy took them off the top of his head and passed the glasses to Eggy. They put it on almost instantly and 'buk bukked' in excitement. They looked super cool, too. I bet Eggy felt cool.

"Wow. I'm a cool chicken now. Buk buk! When can I be a sassy chicken?"

Jeremy pulled out the infamous lint roller and brushed it against his shirt. "Oh, now, that's not gonna happen. You see, no one uses the lint roller except for me, you heard me? I bring the sass-a-ma-fraz, razz-a-ma-taz, even in this crazy ass house, know what I'm sayin'?"

We all laughed and cheered. Gotta love when Sassy Jeremy makes an appearance!

Jeremy chuckled and put the lint roller away. "Well, what would you like me to axe kick, Eggy?"

I gasped and rushed up to Eggy. "Tell him this-" and then I whispered something in their ear. Eggy nodded and turned back to Jeremy.

"The box that the next gift is in. Axe kick that, please."

"Gotcha! Now, where is it?" Lil J asked.

Ghost Ray flew in, holding a giant present box. "Yo! Uhh...what the hell is this? I'm chilling in Chery's room when all of a sudden, this box appeared in the garden! It feels light as hell, though." He puts the box down upright and then sees Jeremy. "Hey! Look who it is! What's up Monster Truck?"

Jeremy took a couple steps back. "Ray?? Oh, my God! You're a ghost now?!"

The MadHouse ghost just shrugged. "Yeah. Long story, dude."

"Jeez! Ryan needs to update me more. All right, uh... Right. Axe kicking. This box. Okay." 

We all gathered round in anticipation. What would happen? Would it meet the same fate as a desk or a pumpkin?

"Before I kick it, let me just say...It's not gonna break, right?" He turned to us and gave a wink. 

"Nope. Absolutely not." I chuckled. 

"Here we go." He took a deep breath, and... "I AM MONSTER TRUCK!" He lifted his leg high in the air and brought it down on the gift box. That thing looked like it split in half and crumbled from all directions! Damn, Jeremy!

He was given a big round of applause as I went to the wreckage and started looking through it. What was the gift for tomorrow? Uh... _Where_ was the gift for tomorrow??

"Yo, Katz. What's up?" Ghost Ray asked. 

"It's not here. The gift for tomorrow isn't in here. Which means, it's somewhere in the house already!" I gasped in horror.

What could it be?! Would the MadHouse ever have a normal day again?  
I think Lil J brought some big problems...


	6. FIIIIVE MONOCLES!!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for some Ol' Timey Vagabonds??  
> I'm sure not.   
> God help me as I write ol' timey for a whole chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

I was frantic.   
Where was this next gift?? One day later, and I'm still losing my mind over this damn note.  
This is a nightmare! As much as I love presents, knowing one was loose in the MadHouse, and I didn't know about it, was just mind-boggling! These gifts kept increasing in amounts, too. 1,2,3,4...5! Whatever this was, there was gonna be 5 of them. Now, I'm even more terrified.

I ran through the hall and passed the door that belonged to Yuzuki, a new Vagbond member. I was gonna keep going, until her door opened and I heard something oddly familiar. 

"Heya, friend, ol' pal, buddy, chum! Come right this way, right this way. I've gotta little something to tell ya. A little secret, yah. Come over, come over, right this way." 

I froze in my tracks. Wait. That's ol' timey talk. And it's not from Ryan. What the fuck? I slowly turn around to find Yuzuki with a golden monocle hanging under her right eye. 

"Whoa! Uhhh...Yuzuki? What's going on? What's with the monocle?" I ask, slowly walking back towards her.

"Oh, don't ya worry about that now! Don't ya worry! I was asleep, sound asleep in my bed, yeah, until I woke up from my slumber and found out that I had this thing on my face. It's right here! You see it? Right over here!" Yuzuki kept pointing to the golden monocle that I could clearly see with my own two eyes. 

I chuckled nervously and backed away. "Yeah. I see it. Have you been watching Creeper Soccer X again?"

"Nope! Noooope! Absolutely not!" Yuzuki shook her head. 

I looked at the monocle again. Wait. It was gold and sparkling, as if by magic. Hmm...I wonder. 

"Hey, my friend! Come right this way!" I ushered her over in my best ol' timey voice! Yuzuki put some pep in her step and walked to me, arms swinging. I reached up and snatched the monocle off her eye. 

"Owww! Tabby, what the hell was that for?!" she asked, rubbing her eye. "Why do I have a sour taste in my mouth?"

"Long story, my friend. Just, uh...don't watch Creeper Soccer X for a while. You'll get a headache." I smile lightly and head for the gaming room. I have one of these, and it might be the gift that's wandering around the house. Who else would have one?

I open the gaming room doors and you'll never guess what I started to hear.

Yep. More ol' timey voices. I walked inside to see Raener and Hana playing Mario Kart WII against each other. 

"I'm gonna getcha! I'm coming right for ya! You can run, but'cha can't hide! Come back here, come back, come back here now!" Raener exclaimed as Yoshi's kart slowly caught up to Link on his bike. I don't believe Raener has played Mario Kart on the WII before, but she was doing quite well. 

"Ha HA! This wheel might be utter bullshit, bullshit yah, but I'm hangin' in there! Come here, item square! Give me a big hug there, and give me a blue shell! Aw, come on! I didn't ask for red! You done disappointed me right there. I'm a-frownin' now." Sighed Hana. And they both had those damned golden monocles hanging by their eyes. 

How they hell did they spread around like this?? I face-palmed and walked towards them. The race ended and Hana won. She stood up from the beanbags and did a victory pose. 

"Victory for me! 2nd place for _yooouuuu,_ my friend. Tough luck, touch break, what a shame. Maybe next time, next time we play you'll win. Or maybe not. Who knows? Put 'er there!" Hana smirked as she and Raener shook hands.

"All right, all right, no need to rub it in. No rubbing in your little victory now. I'm new over here. New player over here, right here, right here." Raener pouted.

I groaned. I loved when Ryan did it, but not when the whole damn MadHouse does it. "You two have those monocles on! How did you get them?"

"I dunno, I dunno, Tabby. I guess, ah, maybe they magically appeared overnight and now here we are, right here, talkin' to ya like this." Hana shrugged.

"But, I see you have one, too! Put it on and join the fun, yeah! Don't be shy now!" Raener lifted my arm to try to get me to place the magical monocle on. I used that force to rip the monocles away from Hana and Raener. 3 down, two to go.

"What the-? What am I doing in here?" Hana asked, looking around in confusion.

"I don't feel like I belong in 2016, for some reason." Raener added.

"You've been sent to Ol' Timey Land for a while, you guys. Good thing I snapped you out of it. You were gonna do the same to me! Go rest, or play video games. Same thing. I'm gonna save two more people from this hell. See ya!" I waved as I ran out of the gaming room and went straight to the garden. Someone has to be here!

I walked around the peaceful garden, waved at the Caretaker Flora and I saw Eggy standing by some flowers. They looked to be smelling one of the many flowers that grow in the MadHouse garden. But, when they turned around to greet me, I saw gold. 

"Oh, no! Eggy, not you, too!" I sighed with despair. But, what I heard next didn't match with what I expected to hear.

"Ah, Tabitha. My dear friend. How are you on this fine morning? It's almost that magical day of the year, and I'm walking about the gardens before Jack Frost covers it all with his horrid snow. Isn't snow just a frightful kind of weather? Quite awful, I must say." Eggy greeted me. Yes, Eggy had the monocle on, but they weren't ol' timey. They were more proper, like Eggy flew to the UK and came back within a day. 

"Uhhh...hello to you too, Eggy. Uh, I'm afraid the Christmas magic is getting outta hand now. My friends are all turning into auctioneers. But, you're turning into Gavin!" 

"Ah, pish posh! I'm not turning into the long-nosed Brit who is friends with our awfully crazy and mad house owner. I'm my own Eggy person, bukkity buk buk. Just milling around, smelling the flowers, enjoying the lovely weather. Isn't it grand?" Eggy smiled at me. 

Well, this sure as hell wasn't grand. I gotta get that monocle off or Eggy will be stuck like that forever! 

"You look awfully concerned or worried, Tabitha. Are you feeling all right? Maybe you should lie down for a bit. Oh, dear. Maybe a nice, warm hug will put a smile back on that face of yours." Eggy wrapped me in a hug and I couldn't think of a better time to strike. I reached around and pulled monocle #4 off. And that made Eggy immediately let go. I hate when hugs end abruptly. 

"It's cold as hell out here! What is going on, Tabby??" Eggy exclaimed, covering their arms and shivering at the winter cold. 

"It's another one of those stupid gifts. Turns out, 5 enchanted monocles were floating around the MadHouse and attached to 5 people! You're person number 4. And it didn't turn you ol' timey like everyone else. I wonder why."

Eggy shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe my version of ol' timey is more proper. Well, now that you got the monocle off, can, uh...can I have it? Or all 4 for that matter?"

"Why?? I worked so hard getting them off!" I hug them close. 

"I have this need. The need to try to burn ants. It's for science, of course."

Of course. I roll my eyes and hand over the monocles. "Have fun, buddy. Don't burn the garden down, please. The Caretaker Flora wouldn't like that." I motion to the giant plant nodding along with my statement. 

"Ah, the garden won't suffer. Just the ants!" Eggy smiled. 

I sighed and walked back in the MadHouse through the garden doors that lead to the kitchen. I grabbed a can of Pepsi from the fridge and sat down. 4 of them are gone. But only one left. Who could possibly have the last one?!

"Hello there, TabiKatz! Hello, heya, hiya there, friend! What'cha doing? What'cha up to? What are _yooouuuu_ doing today?" 

Oh, no. The Ninjamonkey. 

Of course, one of the most energetic people in the MadHouse has the damn thing. And it's the last one! I had to get it! But, Joe can't stand still for no one! Joe jumps next to me and starts stretching my cheeks out.

"Aw come on, friend. You need to turn that frown upside down, right now, upside down right now! Gimme a smile there, Tabby! Gimme a big ol' smile! You can do it!" 

"Stop it, Joe!" I pulled his hands off and massaged my cheeks. "You have to stay still so I can take that monocle off your eye."

"Nothing doing! I can't do that for ya. Nope. Nope nope. I gotta keep moving, gotta keep that energy up! How about ya try and catch me?" The Ninja Monkey started running around the kitchen. I reluctantly stood up to follow him. How/Why is he so damn fast?! I think the monocle gave Joe super speed or something. 

After 5 laps around the kitchen, I collapsed on one of the kitchen chairs and started to catch my breath. I can't catch him! He has to stop for some reason! But, what could it be? I looked around the kitchen and all I could find were some fridges, Diet Coke cans, a bowl of fruit- Wait! Fruit! Bananas! I picked up the banana and waved it in front of Joe's face. "Come right here, Joe. And have this tasty banana! All yours if you come and get it!" 

"Bananas! Ooooh, I'll be right there! I'll be right there, Kitty Katz. You don't move now, hear? Don't-cha move! I'm on my way to ya! On my way!" He jumps on the table with his hand out. 

"Here you go!" I gave him the banana and he actually stayed still for more than 10 seconds! I took this opportunity to remove Joe's monocle while he closed his eyes to enjoy the banana goodness. 

All 5 are done. YES!!

"Banana! Thanks, Tabby! What's that thing you're holding?" Joe asks, pointing to his ol'timey morpher. 

"Oh, it's a monocle and it made you speak ol'timey all day! But, it's all over now."

"It's over? Aw, man, I wanted everyone in the MadHouse to have one!"

For the love of the Dark God,   
**please no.**


	8. 6 Cows-A-Mooing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really?  
> Who thought it was a good idea to send more cows to the MadHouse?  
> And their plush toys, no less...  
> WITH VOICE BOXES!  
> Oh, God. The mooing will never end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

_To Ms. Tabitha,_

_I see you're catching on to my gifts. What a clever Vagabond you are! It should be no guess that you're getting 6 of whatever is in this box. Whatever it is, I hope it gives you quite a MOOving experience. Ha! See what I did there? Have fun, MadHouse!_

_Signed,  
anonymous_

I crumpled up the note and threw it away. Ugh! This gift giver is quite the asshole. I don't think these gifts are supposed to make us happy during the holiday season. I think this person wants to drive us insane! Just look at what they put me through yesterday! And how do they even know I keep getting these damn notes?? I think this guy has cameras in the MadHouse...What a creepy secret Santa this is!

"MOOving experience? What the hell does that mean?" I brought the note, and the gift box in the MadHouse library. I needed to study this further. Not the pun, the mystery of who this person is. I couldn't wrap my head around it, so I just shrugged it off for now and opened the box.

They're little Edgar plush toys! 1..2..3..4..5..6. Yep. 6 of them. No wonder we got a shitty pun; it's a cow gift! Great; just what I need. The whole MadHouse chasing me to put these guys in holes. 

"How could these cute things cause any trouble?" I mutter to myself, picking one up. Well, they looked harmless enough.

**MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO!**

Oh, crap. They can make noise. Stupid voice box! I put the cow back in the box, but that just made the other 5 start mooing away. 

I could hear a constant pounding on one of the tables near me. It was Vagabond Arah, and I don't think they were too happy about the noise. They got up and pointed at the cows and then gave me quite the glare. 

"I'm sorry! This isn't my fault! It's these gifts and I don't know how to turn them off!" I looked all around one of the cows and I didn't see any switches or POWER buttons to shut these things up! Oh, no. This is gonna go on forever. And I don't know what'll happen first: the toys will shut up or Arah is gonna kill me. 

I quickly gathered my stuff and left the library. Seconds later I could hear a THUD. I think someone threw a book across the room. Probably Arah. Welp. At least the noise stopped.

I tried running back into my bedroom until I ran into Fallz. Literally. I fell and dropped the cows out the box. 

**MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO!**

God dammit. 

"Tabby, what's with the Edgars? Did Azriella turn them into toys?" Fallz asked me, while helping me pick them up.

I groaned and tried to speak over the noise. "No! It's another one of these stupid daily gifts! 6 cows and they have non-stop voice boxes! Help me make them stop!!"

Fallz thought for a second. "I think I know what can help. Joe! Get the fire! We're burning some cows!"

"BURGERS!!" Cue the Ninja Monkey grabbing the box, flipping out the hall window and putting the cows plushies on the grill.

"JESUS, MAN! Be careful!" I exclaim, running to the window to make sure he was all right. 

"Aw, what? They're not real! And they're mooing like crazy! The hell is this?! I want burgers! I'm hungry..." Joe whined.

I sighed. "Hold on, Joe. Don't light anything on fire yet." 

Fallz and I went downstairs, and went to the garden through the kitchen doors. 

Would you be surprised if I told you that the cow plushies were set aflame, anyway? No? That's the correct answer!

But, Azriella was with him, so I'm not surprised that the Ninja Monkey was so damn impatient.

"I sensed something was going to burn, so I came immediately to start it." Azriella looked proud as she said this. I shook my head as I saw another glimpse of sanity leave the MadHouse.

"Well, at least the cows aren't mooing anymore." Fallz pointed out.

"Oh, thank goodness." I sighed. "Problem solved, guys!" 

"There was a problem? I thought this was just for fun!" Azriella shrugged.

"They wouldn't shut up. Non-stop mooing. And I couldn't figure out how to turn them off! Of course, the MadHouse way is to resort to fire. I'm not surprised that worked." I chuckled. 

Well, this gift turned out to be "udder" hell. I was about to forget it all with a nice round of Just Dance 2017, until I heard this sick and twisted noise...

**MoOOoOoOoOoO!**

"AHHHH! Tabby, look!" Fallz pointed at the horrible scene. 

The 6 cows turned into 6 cow cyborgs! Like, half their skin peeled off and was left with a charred nightmare. I could've sworn one of them had an eye popping out. How they hell could they even move on their own?! They were toys! TOYS! They were crawling out of the grill, jump to the ground and started zombie walking/crawling towards us.

"Oh, shit! What the fuck?!" I exclaimed, backing away from the evil cow toys.

"How did they become sentient?!" Azriella asked, eyes wide open.

"I don't know! Whoever sent these must be a wizard or something!"

"Yer a wizard, Harry..." Joe joked.

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME!" 

"Uhh...what did you guys do?" 

We saw Eggy and Arah walking towards us, Arah still looking a little annoyed from before. Eggy was holding a baseball bat for some reason. "I heard screaming, thought I would need to bash some heads in."

"You wanna do that before these cows eat our souls?!" I panic.

"Their mooing is so demonic now! They came straight from hell to punish us!" The Ninjamonkey jumped on a tree to hide. 

"Stand back, guys. I'm gonna use some magic to destroy these creepy things!" Azriella said, starting to raise her arms in the air. Before she could get far though, Arah slowly lowered them down.

Arah shook their head and took the baseball bat out of Eggy's hands. Then, took a few practice swings.

"Oh, no. Those cows are gonna be dust by the end of this." Eggy said.

Then, we watched as Arah let out quite the yell and started beating the crap out of those demon Edgar toys. And I mean, holy crap. Like, parts were flying everywhere, you could see the stuffing coming out of the heads, it looked pretty chaotic. But, it sure got the job done!

Arah stopped and looked around after their run of destruction. Yep. It looked like all the cows were taken care of...except for one head. And that cow head hasn't been touched at all yet. Well, except for the burning earlier. Arah ran towards it, full speed, with the bat in the air.

"WAIT!!" Eggy stood in front of the cow head, protecting it. "I want this one!" 

Arah stopped and tilted their head in confusion.

"I want the head. It reminds me of Reggie. I want a Reggie of my own, so I'd like to keep this. It won't cause anyone harm. I'm sure I can fix it up so everyone will love it." Eggy picked it up and gave it a hug. "See ya guys! I'm going to introduce my new friend to everyone! Buk buk!" And just like that, Eggy rushed back into the house to introduce everyone to the new MadHouse...uhh....mascot? 

Reggie is Ryan's creepy fish head, which then evolved into a decapitated human head in video games. Always the traveling companion to the Mad King. And a reminder for others.

"Well, that was...interesting? I don't know what's going on in this house anymore. I'm going back to video games now." Fallz shook her head and went back inside; Joe not far behind. Arah looked at the wreckage they've caused and gave me a thumbs up. 

"Yeah! Uh, good job, I guess. I've learned that I never want to piss you off." I told them, scratching the back of my head.

Arah shook their head and I could've sworn I saw a smile before they headed back into the house. 

"See ya, Tabby! And if you need anything else to set on fire, let me know! I'll be there in a flash!" Azriella waved and disappeared.

And I've just realized. They left me out here so I could be the one to clean up the mess! 

I have such great friends... -_-;


	9. Seven Crates-A-Rollin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those darned boxes with wheels are back!  
> But, what the hell are we gonna do with them??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

One week. It's been one whole week since this damn gift debacle started. It started off nice and friendly, and then a layer of hell opened up and we've gotten thrown into it! What is going on?? And who is sending us all of these things? I really hope there are no gifts today. I just want to relax and not worry about what is gonna turn the MadHouse upside down. 

(DING DONG!)

No...No! Oh, God damn it! I grumble as I get out of bed. Of course the day starts off with this nonsense again. I go downstairs and head for the front doors. Eggy was already in the living room, playing with their new pet. 

"Tabby, I would've gone to answer the door, but I didn't want to get up." Eggy told me.

"Gee, thanks." I roll my eyes and open the door. Of course, no one is there to greet me. But, there are a lot of crates lined up outside the doors. One of them had a note.

_To the MadHouse:_

_Hello again! You've made it halfway through the fun! I'm impressed! Fear not; I'm not here to make your Christmas terrible. I'm here to bring a little bit of crazy to your holiday season. And to make it more interesting. Nothing is more interesting than a box with wheels. Well, what about 7 of them? I'm sure you can find something entertaining to do with these. Have fun!_

_From_   
_Anonymous_

Boxes with wheels? Oh, God. Ryan is gonna flip his shit. 

"Buk buk! Push me, Tabby!" Eggy jumped on a crate and hugged his new cow head pet tightly. "I wanna go for a ride!"

"Wait. Hold on. I have a better idea." I ran to the kitchen and picked up 10 Diet Coke cans from recycling. One of my new friends, Sheila, saw me holding empty soda cans and followed me into the living room. 

"Tabs, what'cha doing?" Sheila asked. 

"We're going bowling! Well, Eggy is. They're the bowling ball." I pointed to Eggy sitting on top of one of the boxes. I placed the cans on the opposite side of the room, bowling pins style. 

Eggy waved and held on tightly to the boxes corners. "Buk buk! I'm ready to get a strike! Push me! Push me!" 

I chuckle and get behind Eggy and the box. "All right. Hold on tight, buddy!" I pull back a little bit to get some momentum and then I push as hard as I could. Eggy, his pet and the box with wheels went straight into the cans. STRIKE! One of the Diet Coke cans flew so high, it knocked the star off the top of the Christmas tree and fell in its place. I guess that's one way to do it.

"It feels more like a MadHouse Christmas now. Diet Coke is the tree topper." Sheila chuckled.

I just face palmed. It would look better with a Pepsi can up there, but who am I to judge?

Eggy hopped off the box and gasped. A great idea! "Tabby, Tabby, Tabby. You know what we need to do right now? Right fucking now?" 

"No. What?"

"Clean up this mess? Gotcha." Sheila said, picking up the Diet Coke cans and putting them back in recycling.

"No, no, no!" Eggy shook their head. "We need to get these boxes with wheels connected and make a motherfucking train. And we ride our awesome as hell train all around the MadHouse. Even up the stairs and shit! It'll be great!"

"That sounds awesome! Can we do it, Tabby? Can we??" Sheila jumped up and down in excitement. 

I scratched the back of my head. "A train in the MadHouse? How?? We have no tracks and a train can't go up stairs anyway!"

"Well, it can, if you have magic on your side! And I know we have a witch in the MadHouse. Maybe she can do it for us!"

"Eggy, there's no way that can happen!"

\----------

I can't believe she made it happen. 

Within minutes, we had a fully functional MadHouse train. The seven boxes with wheels were connected and there were red and black train tracks underneath the train and nowhere else. Guess it was one of those magic things where the tracks only appear where the train is. Interesting. And convenient. 

Azriella really helped with this. Of course, we had to trade our share of snacks for it all. Plus, Eggy wouldn't stop asking to be the train whistle. So, Eggy is now the train whistle.

"CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS!!! THE MADHOUSE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!" Eggy shouted from the front of the train. 

"And who thought this was a good idea?" I muttered from my train seat. Here's how the seating was:Azri

**Eggy-Azriella-Yuzuki-Me-Cheryl (with BFF Ghost Ray)-Fallz-Sheila**

"BFF, why did you convince me to do this? I was perfectly fine gaming in my room. I don't need a train to get me there, either. I can just fly!" Ghost Ray complained.

"He does have a point." Azriella agreed.

"It's the fun of it all! Stop putting logic into everything, Ray! This is the MadHouse!" Cheryl stuck her tongue out at her BFF. 

"You realize Ryan is gonna break these in two once he knows we have boxes with wheels in the house?" Yuzuki pointed out. "I do not want to be in the room for that. Actually, I do, but keep me at a safe distance."

"Ah, he'll be fine. These aren't for him, anyway. They're for us! And we're going to enjoy it! Let's go!" I think I might be a little too excited for this. 

Azriella tapped the side of her box twice and the train started moving. It felt weird, but it was cool, so I didn't care. You've never been on a train like this one before! 

As we kept moving, the tracks would appear and disappear. I think that's my favorite part of the train ride. Well, that and hearing Eggy as the train whistle. Train conductors, give us a call.

"First stop, the kitchen! Who's getting off? It's not me because I'm the train whistle. CHOO CHOO!" 

"Me! I'm hungry. I wanna ride this awesome train again, so don't destroy it, please!" Sheila chuckled. The train slowly came to a stop in front of the table and she jumped off. "Thanks for the ride! It was lots of fun!"

Ninja Monkey Joe was eating a banana and almost dropped it when he saw this crazy train. "Holy crap! What the hell is a train doing in the house?? Is it-?"

"Yep. Another gift. It never ends, Joe! It never ends!" I throw my head back in despair. Granted, some of the gifts were cool, but a week of this? They do realize that Christmas is only for one day, right?

"I wanna ride the train! Can I? Please?" Joe asked. 

"Do you have snacks?" Azriella smirked. 

Yuzuki jumped off the train, grabbed a bunch of bananas and gave them to Azriella. "That's his payment!"

"What the FUCK?! My bananas!" Joe exclaimed. 

"Relax, Joe. If this thing can go outside, I'll get you more." I roll my eyes and chuckle. 

"Uhhh...I don't think the public is ready to see this." Fallz said.

"Do you think the public was ready for this house?! Hell no!" Yuzuki got back in her seat. 

"CHOO CHOO AND BUK BUK! WE'RE HEADING OFF AGAIN!" Eggy announced as the official MadHouse train whistle.

"Wait! I'm coming, too!" Joe hopped on the empty box. 

"How much do I pay for an express trip to the gaming room? I want off." Ghost Ray asked, raising his hand. Cheryl rolled her eyes and smacked his hand down. 

"You stop that! Enjoy the ride or no Oreos later." 

"Be happy or no snacks. Yeah, that's how it works." 

Azriella got the train going again and we headed outside to the garden. Not to worry. The tracks did no harm to the flowers or plants. We even waved to the Caretaker Flora as we passed by! And I'm pretty sure the plant waved back. 

The train chugged and pulled us along back into the living room and it made its way towards the stairs and stopped. The real test: can this baby go up the stairs?

"I have faith in this train. It will go up!" Cheryl smiled. 

"Let's see what happens! Onward and upward! Hold on, guys!" Azriella made the train move again and it slowly leaned back as we went up. It was kind of like a roller coaster ride, except no big drop, loop-de-loop or throwing up afterwards. But, this train has stamina. With its magic tracks, the MadHouse train rolled up the stairs! We were on the second floor where our bedrooms were. 

"Ta-daaa!" Azriella sang. 

The passengers gave Azriella and the train a round of applause. That was pretty awesome. 

"So, wait. If a train is possible, do you think a roller coaster could be done?? I mean, just think about it. A roller coaster made out of boxes with wheels and magic train tracks." Fallz asked. 

"We could charge other people for rides! We'd make lots of 'buks'." Eggy punned. 

"Boooo! Boooo! Terrible! Get off the train!" Joe, Ghost Ray and I jeered.

Eggy just flipped us off. "Screw you guys! That was funny. I'm a funny train whistle, damn it! CHOO CHOO, ASSHOLES!" 

"Well...it would take a hell of a lot more work. And for a roller coaster, you can't be magically secured. I'd need to actually put some bars or something on it so you guys won't fall off. But, give me time and I'll see if I can make a roller coaster a reality." Azriella answered in thought. 

"Can I still be the train whistle?" Eggy asked. 

"Roller coasters don't have whistles!" Joe chuckled. 

"So?? This is the MadHouse coaster! We can do whatever the fuck we want with it!" 

As the roller coaster ideas kept forming, the train dropped us off at our bedrooms, one by one. Ghost Ray was happy to get off, and told Azriella thank you for the ride (after Cheryl told him to do so.) Joe was also happy to get back to his games, but was more thrilled when Azriella gave him the bananas back.

I was dropped off last. I jumped off my box and stretched. What a nice ride, but if I fell asleep, I probably would've died, so I'm glad I can get to my bed. 

"Thanks again, Azriella. Once again, these gifts turned out to be kinda fun." 

"No problem, Tabby. Happy to help! I'll make you a special train whistle so you can call the train to take you anywhere in the house. It can't really go outside like to the store or anything like that. Give it some time." Azriella told me. I waved to her and went in my room. As I closed the door, I gasped when I saw something on my bed. Oh, no. It can't be! It just can't be!!

It was a box.  
 **A present box.**


	10. 8 Cards For Sending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to send some Christmas cards to some MadHouse members!  
> Can't be too hard, right?  
> Damn this secret sender of gifts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

_To Vagabond TabiKatz,_   
_I was going to leave a box of Christmas cards for you to hand out, but I thought it best to just give you blank cards to write your own corny Hallmark messages. I didn't know how many you needed, so how does 8 sound? You can't go wrong with that number! Hopefully, this gift doesn't drive you crazy as well. Have fun!_

_From,_   
_Anonymous_

\------------------------------

Another week, another damn gift from this person. Who is it?! And why am I the only solely suffering this time?! Well, it can't be that hard. Send some holiday cards out. No big deal. I sit on my bed with this small box of 8 cards and envelopes. They could've included a pen as well, but that would just be too kind, right? I sigh and get a Hello Kitty pen from my binder of Just Dance scores. Let's see...Who to send a card to? 

**Merry Christmas, Cheryl! (Feliz Navidad, Ghost Ray!)**

**May it bring you lots of good tidings and joy. And Oreos. Lots and lots of Oreos. And video games. And roses. Hopefully, you get so many that they carry over to 2017 and you don't have to ask for anymore. Thanks for being amazing friends and hanging out with me in this crazy place. You guys know how to make the MadHouse smile, and I hope this little card does the same for you. WAFFLE-O**

**Signed, Tabby**

I drew a little picture of a Christmas tree and a rose on one side of the card and put it in the envelope. I put a skull sticker on the back to seal it, and put Cheryl's name on the front of the envelope. One card down. 7 to go. 

**Happy Hanukkah, Azriella!**

**I hope you have the happiest of holidays here in the MadHouse! Thanks for teaching me how to play dreidel the other day. We should play with gummi bears one night. Here's hoping I win! May the menorah candles shine as bright as your room when you're working on magic. And that's very bright. Especially when they explode. But, that was only once. We don't talk about that anymore. Wait. Since this holiday lasts for more than one day, should I send more than one card? Don't answer that. I only have 8 cards to deliver. Hope you like this one!**

**Save some latkes for me!**   
**Signed, Tabby**

"How do I draw this...? Google to the rescue!" I chuckle to myself, turning on my laptop. I search for a small, not too detailed picture of a menorah and draw it on Azriella's card. I drew hearts instead of normal flame shapes, and sealed it up. Next!

**To NinjaMonkey Joe, my MadHouse Bro (rhyme not intentional)**

**I don't have any bananas to give with your card, so I hope you take this poorly drawn one instead. It's still the same thing, except don't try to eat this card. I hope you have a very happy holidays! :D I hope you get some really cool video games so we can play together. And so I can beat you. ;) You're always hanging around the MadHouse, causing trouble. Maybe you'll take a break during the holiday season. But then things would be boring. Ah, well. Don't stop being yourself. We love the madness!**

**Signed, Tabby**

"I don't wanna get outta bed to get these damn markers. God damn it..." I complain, as I get out of my bed to my desk and grab the markers. I quickly draw a picture of a banana and put "OM NOM NOM" around it to show how yummy it is/looks. Well, Joe will be the judge of that one. Onto the fourth card!

**BUK! BUK!**

**I don't know how to write in Eggy language, but I hope you'll understand this with a few carefully placed 'buks' here and there. You're a pretty cool friend to have in the MadHouse and there's always something new to learn from you. Your artistic skills and how fast you sketch silly moments is just so amazing to me. Maybe you can draw me a nice picture of all of us around the Christmas tree. I hope your new, uh, pet has a great holiday, too. Bukkity buk buk!**

**Signed, Tabby**

To show off my own, uhh...."artistic skills," I've drawn a picture of Eggy perched on their multi-fruit tree in the garden. It has little decorations and lights on it, with Eggy's pet head as the star on top. "This is a buking masterpiece! Oh, I hate myself for that pun." I shudder and continue to the next card. 

**Merry MadHouse Christmas, Yuzuki!**

**We haven't talked much, but you're a pretty cool person. You're always cooped up in your room playing ARK, though. Don't do that on Christmas Day. We'd miss you! I can't wait to talk and get to know you more. We're gonna be great friends in 2017! That already makes the new year so much better! I wish I could also send you bits like a gift card. Maybe Twitch can add that feature for next year. Seasons Greetings!**

**PS: I didn't forget what you did to me a month or so ago. =P You and Ryan are an evil team that must be stopped.**

**Signed, Tabby**

I take a red marker and put "666 bits" on the card. Then, I shudder and shake my head because I can unfortunately hear the sound that amount summons. No giggle fits, Tabitha. Not now! You have cards to write out! I also draw out the other crazy sounds and amounts. I think she'd like that. 

I was about to write card #6 until I heard a knock on the door. 

"Come in!" I call out. 

The door opens and it's Tats with a plate of cookies. "Hey, Tabby. It's not usually this quiet when I walk by your room. What's up?" 

"Nothing much. Just writing out Christmas cards from this person that keeps sending things to us."

"Does that explain the fruit tree? And the monster trucks? And Eggy with that cow head of theirs?" 

"Yep."

"Uhhh...okay. You'd think things would stop being weird in this house." Tats chuckled. "Anyways, I brought you some sugar cookies. I thought you were playing Just Dance in here and would like a treat to relax."

"Aw, thanks, Tats! Yeah, I'm not dancing, but I could use some sugar to keep me going with these cards. I have 3 left to send, and there's so many people!" I groan as Tats puts the plate of cookies on my desk.

"Well, you know one person you _have_ to send one too, right?" she winks at me. 

I giggle and nod. "Of course he's getting one. No doubt about it. But, then there's 2 left. Hmm...I think the cookies will really help me think. Thanks again, Tats."

"Hey. No problem. I'll see ya later. You'd better be dancing next time I walk by here!" she waves and closes the door. I take a bite out of a cookie and think. Who else could I send a card to...? Ah!

**To Omega and Lotti**

**Happy Christmas to you both! I don't know if you're spending it together or what have you, but I wish you both the best. Since the MadHouse has grown, we haven't had the time to really chat like we used to. I hope you enjoy this card! Thanks for making my 2016 a little more special. And chaotic. And filled with non-stop giggling. That last one will change. Trust me.**

**Signed, Tabby**

"What do I draw for this? Uhh...okay." I draw a few sortaHEARTs and a skull or two inside the card. My skulls seem to look like Pac-Man ghosts, for some reason. And when I try to make them menacing, they end up looking cute! I think I'm cursed to never be scary. 

**Hiya, Fallz!**

**Have yourself a totally awesome Christmas! I hope you get games that don't make you totally flip your shit and make you want to throw your controller out the window. And just for you, I'll hope for a white Christmas. I know you love to see snow falling! Let's hang out soon and get those sweet post-holiday deals! I can always count on you to take me to some cool places! Life outside the MadHouse is just as crazy with you around. Merry Christmas!**

**Signed, Tabby**

I drew some buildings as if we were hanging out in the city together. Fallz loves to drag me out the MadHouse to go exploring in the big city. And I chuckled as I re-read my message to her. She actually hates snow, so me wishing for it is probably gonna drive her nuts. Oh, I hope it snows on Christmas Day! It would be so magical and super funny all at the same time. 

And now for the last card. Oh, this is gonna be a doozy. I took a deep breath and opened the card. Why am I so nervous? Why can't I bring myself to write this damn card?! I'm only writing to the Mad King himself. 

Yep. Here come the nerves again.

**To/Dear/Merry Christmas Ryan:**

I face-palmed. This was going so damn well already. 

**There's only so much I can say in a Christmas card. But, I hope this says all you need to know. You building this house for us has to be the shining light to this crappy year. I've made so many awesome friends because of it and I'm eternally grateful. You are amazing and have made my dreams come true in many ways.**

I start to shed a few tears and wipe them away. Get these onions out of my room! THERE'S NO PLACE FOR ONIONS HERE!

**I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. May you bring more madness, darkness(hint hint to something you should work on soon. COUGH COUGH), dorkiness and all the love you've shown us to 2017. With you by our side, I know we can make it through. And we will. Just like you told me when I first moved in, the very first day you've built this house, 'I'll try not to let you down.' You haven't. And I won't. Thank you.**

**Your friend, TabiKatz**

With the (pretty good) drawing of the cracked crown, I have concluded this card and all 8 cards sent to me. I sighed and made sure all of them were sealed properly before heading to send them out. 

I was scared to send these out, but not as scared as I was gonna be for the next day's gifts. 

Oh, Dark God help me...


	12. 9 Million Dollars (But...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin stops by with the next gift!  
> It's a load of money, but it won't be easy to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

I woke up this morning, with a positive thought. Today is going to be a good day. Nothing crazy, nothing wacky or chaotic. Just a nice, simple day in the MadHouse.

"Ray! Ray, get back here!" I could hear Cheryl running through the halls, back and forth. 

"What the fuck?" I mutter to myself, and I open the door. Cheryl runs back to me, panting and trying to catch her breath.

"Tabby...Ray has lost it. He just left the room and starting zooming around the halls. Now, I think he's headed for the front door. What is he doing??" Cheryl wondered. 

"I dunno what has gotten into that ghost. Let's have a look."

Cheryl and I walk down the stairs to hear Ray yelling and some sort of bird squawking outside the front doors. Did Ray kill a bird?! 

"Ray? Buddy? BFF?" Cheryl slowly opened the front door to see him flying around...Gavin?!

"Gavin! What are you doing here?" I ask, watching Gavin trying to shoo Ray away.

"X-Ray! Cut it out! I'm happy to see you, too!" he chuckled. Ray finally stopped, ruffled Vav's hair and flew to Cheryl's side.

"I've had my fun." Ray chuckled. 

"Hello, MadHouse! Lil J told me about how crazy this place is and I wanted to see for myself! Actually, someone sent me over here before I could stop by on my own accord. Rather perfect timing, actually. Uh, who is Tab-Tabatha?" 

I groaned. "It's Tabitha. I'm guessing you have a note for me, right?" 

Gavin looked surprised. "Yeah! How'd you know?" he asked, handing me a note.

"I've been doing this for 8 days already. It's routine, at this point." I roll my eyes and begin to read.

_Dear Tabitha,_

_The madness is almost over as Christmas draws near. I've decided to treat you all to a little reward for putting up with these gifts. How does $9 million sound?_

"What?!" I gasp.

"9 million dollars?!" Cheryl and Ghost Ray exclaim. 

_There is a catch, though. I've sent Gavin to throw some 'Million Dollars, But...' questions to 9 of you. If you accept this challenge, no matter how long the duration, you get $1 million. Reject the challenge and the million is lost forever. Good luck!_

_From, Anonymous_

"There is no way Vav has $9 million on him." Ghost Ray muttered. 

"Of course I do, you knobhead! You knocked the briefcase out of my hands when you spooked me! I have 9 checks for $1 million in here, already signed to 9 people living in here. The person who keeps sending you these gifts somehow knows you very well. They've sent me some key points about you and I've made some scenarios based on that." Gavin picked up the briefcase and opened it for us. There sat 9 checks already written out. Holy crap.

"Well, who's first?" I asked. There are going to be 9 rich people in the MadHouse pretty soon. 

\--------------------------------

"All right. You get a million dollars-"

NinjaMonkey Joe jumped out of their seat in the kitchen as Gavin suddenly popped up from behind him. 

"What the hell, dude?!" Joe exclaimed as Gavin laughed. 

"Sorry, mate. You looked so peaceful, eating your banana, that I just had to do it. So anyway, you get a million dollars, but whenever you want to eat a banana, you have to do a handstand for 5 minutes before eating it. Like, whenever you have that craving for a banana, right? You have to do a handstand and hold it for 5 minutes. If you fall, you have to start over again. But, I don't think we have to worry about that with you, yeah?" 

"Sooo...I get a million dollars, but I have to do a handstand whenever I'm hungry for bananas? What if I'm using the bathroom and I think about how hungry I am for a banana?" Joe asked. 

"Still gotta do it."

"Wow." 

Joe thought for a second. And then he shrugged and snatched the check from Gavin's hands. "Guess I'm a million dollars richer. Holy crap. Holy crap!!" 

Gavin shook his hand. "Congrats, mate. I've got 8 more people to ask. Think they'll also take the money?"

Joe chuckled lightly. "I don't know, man. Only one way to find out."

\-----------

Fallz and I were in her bedroom. She was grumbling about this Project Diva X video game she keeps playing. The songs are catchy, but the game play is hard as hell.

"God damn it! Fuck this hard as hell game!" Fallz exclaimed, throwing her controller on the bed.

"Aw, don't worry. You'll get it! It's only the 1000th time you've played this." I roll my eyes. 

"Shut up, Tabby."

(KNOCK! KNOCK!)

"I have $1 million dollars here for Fallz, but every time she can't beat her high score at that game, she has to sing the song she lost at while wearing a skirt and doing star jumps in the living room." a muffled Gavin Free said through the door. 

"Oh, shit. Will you do it?" I ask her. 

"1 million dollars? For me? But, I gotta suffer from this stupid game? Ughhh...What the hell are star jumps, anyway?" Fallz asks. 

All of a sudden, I start hearing clapping sounds every 2 seconds or so. Huh? I open the door and see Gavin doing jumping jacks. Ohhh... star jumps = jumping jacks. Gotcha.

"There you are. 10 star jumps from me, but you gotta do them for the duration of that song." Gavin stops. "So? Will you do it?"

"I can't. I hate skirts and dresses. But, a million dollars! Ughh...! I can't do it. I can't. Gavin, can't you take the skirt out of the deal?" she begs. 

"Sorry, love. Can't do that."

"Shit. Fuck. Keep the money, then. I refuse to put on a skirt. This game is stressful enough as is, anyway." Fallz sighed, picking up her controller to try again.

"So much for that." Gavin shrugs. Then, he turns his attention to me. "Million dollars, but-"

"Hold on, hold on." I raise my hands in surrender. "I don't know what this mysterious person told you about me, but I'm ready to deny everything."

"Even your love for Just Dance?" 

"How dare."

Gavin smirks. "This has nothing to do with your favorite game. But, it does have to deal with your favorite sound..."

**Oh, shit.**

I look at Fallz, wide-eyed. "Oh, fuck. I'm screwed." 

"Gavin, don't even bother asking this one. If it's the sound I'm thinking of, then there's no way she's taking the money." Fallz just face palms.

"Let's see, then. Tabitha, TabiKatz, Little Miss Giggles-"

I flipped him off. 

"You get $1 million, and I have the check right here, mate. But, here's the catch. If you hear the Mad King laugh and giggle, you must eat a vegetable in its entirety. And I also mean like if you have a can of beans or corn or whatever."

I gag at the thought. Me? Eating vegetables if I screw up?! Oh, God. This is bad.

"Wanna try? This does not count, by the way." Gavin takes out his phone and fiddles around it for a few seconds. Suddenly, I hear... _that laugh_ and I collapse on the floor in a fit of giggles. Almost rocking back and forth at this point. 

"Holy crap. It's gotten worse." Fallz sighs. "Gavin, leave while you can before she kills you." 

"I can't, you idiot! I need her answer first! She is okay, right?"

"Yeah, this lasts for about 30 seconds, at most."

I finally calm down and catch my breath. God damn it! "Vav, Jesus Christ. Why'd you do that?! Of course I'm not going to take that deal. You can keep your million dollars. I'm not giving my gag reflexes a field day just because Ryan has the best evil laugh in the universe. Fuck that!"

"You're still eating vegetables, Tabz. I'm gonna ask Ryan and Cheryl to make some greens on Christmas Day just for you to try." Fallz smirks at me.

I gag again and rush out the room, pushing Gavin into the wall as I leave. "Sorry!"

"OW! My nose!" Gavin rubs his nose. 

Fallz just rolls her eyes. "She'll learn. She'll learn..."

\------------------------

Guess Lotti isn't into giving free flying pony rides whenever it's someone's birthday in the MadHouse, because that's what Gavin challenged her to do with the million she would get. If 'no' wasn't enough, I think chasing him around the Vagabond floor with a baseball bat riddled with spikes gave him the message. Can someone take these weapons from her?!

Jess gladly took the million dollars with her challenge. 

"You get a million dollars, but, every time you sneeze, there's a 1/5 chance you magically end up in the middle of a fight. You won't be given weapons, just what's on your person at the time." Gavin clarifies.

"Deal. I'll win the fights, anyway. I'm always ready to go." Jess replied, a glint of troublemaking and toughness in her eyes. Gavin slowly backed away and ran away. He's not ready for the MadHouse, I can tell. Did I mention they were by the weapons room when this happened? Yeah... RUN, GAVIN! RUN!

Eggy was next to be offered a million buks (Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!) but when we went outside to their multi-fruit tree, they weren't perched on top like usual. Where could they have gone?

"They're supposed to be up in the tree. That's where Eggy was last." I shrug, as Gavin walks around the tree in awe.

"How does this exist?! Wot kind of tree-?"

"Don't ask. It's the first gift this person sent us. Eggy?! Where are you?"

"BUK BUK, BITCH!"

Gavin screamed and fell to the ground. Eggy popped out from a nearby rose bush and started cracking up.

"Well, that made my day." they said, helping Gavin up to his feet. 

"Jesus! Do they always scare people like that?" Gavin asked, pulling out Eggy's check from the briefcase.

"Nope. Just to you. Because you make bird noises. But, mine are better, buk buk." Eggy climbs back up in their tree.

"Uhh...all right. Well, I'm here to give you $1 million. BUT, with each 'buk' you say, you lose $20 from your winnings."

Eggy sat straight up in their tree and gave their answer. "Believe it or not, I know I am not a chicken. I am of the same flesh, blood, and organs like you, Gavin Free. This is an act I put on to entertain my fellow Mad House members, a ruse I continue to keep them from knowing my real name and identity. I have a particular set of skills that they will never figure out."

Gavin looked at me and I just shrug. I didn't know about this, either, but then again, there's too many things in the MadHouse I'm not sure about. 

"Anyway, I'd take it. I grew up poor. I'll save it up or something. Medical emergencies, maybe." Eggy shrugged as Gavin handed them the check. "Buk buk! $40 in the hole, but I'm still rich, mother buk-er!" 

"$60."

"Oh, shut up, Free."

\------------------------

I led Gavin to Cheryl's room and he knocked on her door. 

"She's normal, right?" Gavin asked me. 

I rolled my eyes. "This is the MadHouse. No one is normal here. Not even me!" 

The door opens and there floats Ghost Ray, in a sexy nurse costume. Oh, dear God...

"Ray?! Wot are you wearing?" Gavin exclaimed as I started to crack up and walked inside. 

"Hey. If Michael could pull this off, I think I have a chance." Ghost Ray shrugged. 

"I am leaving if he asks me to turn 'round and cough!" 

"Gavin, you're fine. As long as I'm here, Ray won't step out of line. He'll be the perfect angel." Cheryl smiled. 

"Cheryl, is it? Right. I have $1 million for you." Gavin takes out her check. "Million dollars, BUT for one hour each day, no matter what time, Ray gets to run loose around the house. He can wreck shit up, and you can't stop him for that one hour." 

"YUS! Take dat money!" Ghost Ray cheered.

"I mean, if the million will pay for the damage expenses, sure." Cheryl nodded. "I'm not worried. Just don't let him out the house with that mindset." 

"Fair play. Here you go!" Gavin hands her the check. Cheryl takes it and smiles. 

"Thanks, Gavvy-Wavvy!" Cheryl winks. 

"Don't call me that! You're making me miss my boi." Gavin whines. 

"Then, let's give these last 2 people a chance to be millionaires. Who's next, Gav?" I ask. 

\-------------------

"Are you sure about this?? I'm not ready to turn into a frog." Gavin was nervous to see Azriella, the MadHouse witch. I don't know why. Magic is awesome!

"Aw, come on. She's harmless...sometimes." I smirked. Gavin squawked and was just about to run away until I knocked on the door. 

"Coming!" the door opened, but it wasn't Azriella. It was Sheila! She and Azriella were watching TV and reading some spell books during the commercials. 

"Ah! You are Azriella, right?" Gavin points at Sheila. She just giggles. 

"Nope. She's sitting right over there on the bed. I'm Sheila. Nice to meet you, Gavin! What're you up to?"

"Sheila? Perfect! I have a little question for you, mate. I have a check here with your name on it for $1 million. I have one for Azriella, as well."

"Oooh! I'm interested. Go on." Azriella joins the party and looks at the two checks Gavin now has in his hands.

"I've been asking Million Dollars, But questions all day. I have 2 left and 2 checks left. You lot ready?"

"Yep!" Sheila smiles. 

"Bring it on!" Azriella challenges with a smirk.

"All right, Sheila love. You get $1 Million, but when you hear a cow moo, run to the garden, dig a hole and stay in it for 2 hours. And it doesn't matter if it's real or a video game or those games for kids that teach you animal sounds. If it's a cow, you're Edgar for 2 hours."

"How deep is the hole?" Sheila asks.

"Oh, deep enough where you can stand up and your body will still be in the hole fully." Gavin nodded.

"Uhhh....sure. I'm ready for a challenge. Let's do this, MadHouse!!" Sheila happily took the check. Now for the last one.

"Good luck, Azi!" I cheer.

"Thanks. I hope it's a nice one." Azriella smiled. She might look nice, but Gavin wasn't so sure of her abilities.

"All right, you get this check for $1 million, and it's a lot of money-"

"A lot of money indeed." Azriella echoed.

"But, for 2 weeks, you have to end all your magic spells with 'bibbidi bobbidi boo,' no matter what the consequence. No matter how long or short the incantation is, you must end it with that phrase and deal with whatever happens."

"Disney bullshit? Really?" I chuckle. 

"Wot?! It's a good one! I thought of it on the ride here!" Gavin stuck his tongue out at me. 

"Oh, wow. Magic here in the MadHouse can be very unpredictable. And that might just screw everything up. This is a toughie. Can I just..try it out?" Azriella asked. 

"Sure, I guess. Just don't set the house on fire." Gavin looked around with a worried look on his face. 

"All right. Sheila, can you pass me that book we were looking at earlier? Yep. That's the one." 

Sheila gave Azriella a spellbook about half the size of War and Peace and opened it up to a simple spell. Hopefully, this would keep the MadHouse standing.

Azriella muttered some weird words while waving her hands at Gavin. Then, she did it. 

"...Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!"

**POOF!**

As the smoke cleared, we could already hear Sheila cracking up on Azriella's bed. 

"Oh, my God! Gavin, what are you wearing?!" 

I wave the last of the smoke away to see Gavin Free wearing the Cinderella ball gown, complete with make up, jewelry and glass slippers. 

"Wot the hell is this?! Azriella, wot did you do??" Gavin screamed. 

"I tried to make your nose shorter, but I guess that didn't work." she giggled. Then, she took the check from Gavin's hands. "You bet I'm taking the money, though. Thank you!"

"You look pretty, Gavin!" I chuckled. 

"Oh, shut it, Tabitha!" Gavin groaned. "I can't go back to boi like this!"

"Aw, why not? He'll love it! Maybe he'll dance with you until midnight." Sheila winked.

"I hate you all."

Maybe this day of gifts wasn't so bad after all!

But, I have the feeling that it's not over yet.


End file.
